Recipe for a Stellar Birthday: Comfort Goal 3rd Wheeling, Gay District, Weed

Basically Eleanor's birthday weekend has been the lads dream weekend. You got Oli there third wheeling. You got Louis spotted on the gay street in Amsterdam, and then at a "coffee shop" the next day (Amsterdam coffee shops are known for their weed selection). This is almost better than an almost certainly paid for birthday shoutout from Rihanna. Can you believe that was from 5 years ago. Wow. Aim high! 

Back from Vacation, but Super Sick! Louis with Epic for US Label

I'm back from vacation, but have been a bit under the weather. I meant this to be a short video, but alas, even when sick, I can't shut up! 

News dropped today that Louis Tomlinson's US label is Epic (not RCA) and the president of Epic seems excited to have him onboard, which is a refreshing change from the lackluster support his other teams have seemed to give him. What has been good is the snippets he's been releasing on Instagram. I'm excited for the 21st! 

#Backtoyou 😎

A post shared by Louis Tomlinson (@louist91) on

Can You Not? No Matter How Many Times You Make Louis "Hang Out" With James, We're Not Buying It

The one-trick ponies are at it again. Just like they made Louis Tomlinson "hang out" with James Arthur during Just Hold On promo, they've trotted out this unlikely pair on Day 2 of Back To You promo. James famously called Louis a "little bitch" in the past and trashed One Direction. Now that they're trying to get James some cred in the U.S., they're trying the Steve Aoki method - stick someone in proximity of Louis and hope the shine rubs off on them. The difference is that Steve is a wonderful, talented person that's been nothing but nice to Louis. James is just a horrible human who is trying to make amends after setting his own career on fire by being an ass. 

And because Louis' team seems to have nothing better to do than fuck up all day, here's a to-do list that they could work on if they could drag themselves out of the hot tub long enough:

Does Louis have a snapchat? One that’s not some other random dude that you sent out in a newsletter? If not, go make him one. 

Have you given more thought to posting little snippets of Louis? No, not stunting. Just louis being louis. Go look at Steve Aoki and take notes.

Have you thought about trying to get some consistency in his branding? Maybe you should hold a meeting to discuss. Yeah, Louis is popular enough that we all know louist91 and louis_tomlinson, etc. but it would be easier and look a bit more professional if he was just louistomlinson across the board. Yes, you’ll probably have to shell out some money to buy out the names you want, but consider it an investment in your fucking client’s career. It’s a bit late for that domain name, but should you ever acquire a non-hyphenated name (because honestly, that’s so…just not done), you can easily redirect the hyphen one to the non-hyphenated one. 

Do you have more James Arthur promo planned? Cancel it. This isn’t James’ time and no one likes him.

Got more Freddie and Eleanor shit planned? Cancel that, too. If you give two fucks about your client, let his music be the star FOR ONCE HIS GODDAMN LIFE. Prove to us that you actually care about him AS YOUR CLIENT, and let his music do the talking. Not rando pics of eleanor and a child that we all know isn’t his. 

Whatever you’re doing that’s keeping Briana at bay…keep it up. And if you’re not doing anything and she’s just sick of this shit and has checked out of babygate….bitch me too. 

Do you need us to wipe your ass for you, too? 

Louis Tomlinson's Website Updates, but Newsletter Sends Out Wrong Info

From the archives of half-assery, yet another stellar move by Louis Tomlinson's team. That's sarcasm by the way. I don't know how it's possible to fuck up as much as they do. And people think he actually chose this merry band of incompetents. They sent out a newsletter to promote his new single, yet they included a snapchat and youtube that aren't even his. Oddly, they had NO youtube up on his site at first, but now have made one (not the one in the newsletter unfortunately) so the fake Louis youtube has 200,000+ subscribers and real Louis' Youtube had around 6500 the last I checked (hopefully rising). 

Who knows who this snapchat belongs to. Not Louis. 

Who knows who this snapchat belongs to. Not Louis. 

This is the YouTube they linked to. It's a fake Louis YouTube.

This is the YouTube they linked to. It's a fake Louis YouTube.

I already posted about the logo so that will be the little nugget of joy that gets me through this day, but as you can tell by my video, I'm highly annoyed that our King isn't given the team he deserves. 

Also, Hollywood Life says Cristiano Ronaldo's rep confirmed to them that his GF is 5 months pregnant (he just had twins via surrogate) and I laughed for days because why on earth would you give the exclusive info to Hollywood Life of all people? The NY Daily News quoted Hollywood Life about this, but I can't wait for Gossip Cop to lose his shit and go off on Hollywood Life! 

And it didn't make my video, but congrat's to Jay-Z's mom for coming out as a lesbian on his song Smile released today! 

The Reign of King Louis is Beginning!

Louis Tomlinson's single Back to You is dropping July 21 and we're seeing the first wave of promo stuff. Some of it is really good - the Observer article seems to have brought some new fans and given him some cred among people who maybe didn't know his whole story. Some of it is bad - like his teams lack of performing basic functions like ensuring his social media links are actually his and not some rando person, i.e., his snapchat is some actress and his YouTube link goes to a non-verified YouTube with a bunch of cringey tags. There's also seems to be an effort to bring Eleanor into it for the single drop and it looks like this whole "reuinion" has been planned probably from the moment they picked Back to You as the first single. They're always so ham-handed and obvious with the stunts so most people are like *shrug* and are instead focusing on Louis' new logo, which at first glance, is so awesomely sporty and sleek:

But, flip that bitch over and you've got a dude bending over a bed in a house. Hello, design firm of RBB & SBB. Welcome back.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it!

Once you see it, you can't unsee it!

More info on Louis Tomlinson's Single and More Pics!

A shady account (that has since gone private) leaked what they said was the single cover of Louis Tomlinson's song Back To You with Bebe Rexha. They also spilled some other info, before appearing to freak out that the single is coming out NEXT month...not this month. 

Alex Bramall (the photog who took the pics in the Observer article) continues to spoil us with Louis pictures. 

Liam Payne posted this pic of him and son, Bear. Oh look, when you try to photograph babies, they move!